my life: LOVE LOST

my life: LOVE LOST: Leaving me, I lost love. Hollow once filled, i was empty again Grills in my heart were built from pain, Swollen with emptiness insi...

LOVE LOST

Leaving me, I lost love.
Hollow once filled, i was empty again
Grills in my heart were built from pain,
Swollen with emptiness inside.

Sunshine seeping into a sunken ship,
Truth unmasked, emerged from within,
Filled again with tenderness, once lost,
Pushing the grills to part.

Walls of a kingdom,once forbidden
Broke to a brick,
Barren as a womb,
For a new reign to begin.

Force from the power coaxing to hold,
A river to its brim.
As tender hands clasp mine.
Fingers entwine,shielding what left.
Each finger saying to another, love is here.
Seep it in,before its long gone from within.

-Vishaka Srinath

Another year has come, a new chapter.

New Year's Eve 

I remember the time,when my whole family would watch tv and drink Mirinda and eat Chinese take outs for New Years.we would wind up and cuddle on the sofa with shawls and blankets  to watch shahrukh khan with all the young ladies till 12 ,after which we would sleep through the night and get up fresh to start a new year with going to the temple.now the temple may be replaced with hangover cure.

This year 2013 was an unexpectedly a nice year for me personally.what I did this year,I had a chocolate box with small chits , I would write for all the best things that happen to me in that day.i had 365 chits to read and enjoy before I start off with 2014.

I wanted different from this New Year's Eve....not putting up pictures on Facebook with short dress and a bottle of liquor so it looked as if you had a wonderful social life.i doubt if some people really drank that beer or were just holding it to have a profile upgrade.

I wanted the experience to be meaningful ,yes by that I mean checking my resolutions for last year and figure if I got down to doing it all..I got 7/10 by the way.

It was 31 st December morning before I knew it.. And my changed new year eves plans were to be in action. I didn't want to be surrounded by loud music or drunken men and long food queues.

 I Began the last day of 2013 - my style,worked out at the gym and actually ran 3.1 Kms and felt not obligated or tired.

I then put up my new resolution list on my cupboard,cleaned my room.

I then had a usual day at work ,was just waiting for the day to almost end.let me tell you why almost end,I wanted to watch the sunset!!!! many people say it's both a happy feeling and a sad one.. I would go with the happy one.

I went to the terrace of my apartment  at 5:30 pm ,just watched the sun set.it was a very nice feeling,liberating as I would say,making me feel that there is a lots in store for me ,it gave me hope that life is beautiful and surprising . It was as if this year was ending and a new one would begin.frankly speaking or rather writing..I would not believe if people said what's there in New Year's Eve Same as any day? 

Its a new beginning I feel of another chapter in my life.everyone says 'new year ,new me!'

I would say 'new year, a better me'

Then I got home ,with that warm happy  feeling.i made ice cream for my family a coconut and chocolate one - super hit with my family.

At 8 ,we all had a warm spicy and tasty meal made by mum.then waited for the shows to start on tv.

They were quite boring and monotonous.

So dad and me planned to drive our new car around and go for a long drive dad and daughter bonding drive.

I had the best time on this drive,listening to abba on full volume and not much traffic.we drove for 50 minutes ,one of the best 50 minutes of this day.

We were greeted by crazed crowed, i  was in the mood of screaming happy new year back at them.the whole frenzy made me feel apart of a bigger thing!doing New Years my way was like showing my individuality.zooooom!! 

We were just in time for the new year to kick in.

The count down is funny- it's as if a space craft had to take off , by the way it was from 60 so .. Patience testing. At last it reached 10 was when I felt the excitement kick in 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1 !! At last New Years and a start for a better me !! A promise to myself for a better year and a responsible year ahead.

Money -isn't it just a piece of paper ?

One rupee meant one chocolate more than what my friend had.money meant my dad didn't have to travel by scooter anymore.

To many people money means alot of different things.i take this perspective in writing as this gives the reader what he has gained and what he has lost. money for a beggar may mean having a square meal,for a modern day women it means a new dress or  a dinner in the newest restaurant ,a middle class family a holiday to Singapore,for my maid it may mean to send her son to college and for my neighbour it may mean having the latest BMW parked in his lot.yes I have rich neighbours !

Money as I said may mean many things.To me it is like a a bridge you cross when the tides are high and when the water is settled it feels all new and never felt that there was a storm.when people become rich all of a sudden they feel they were never needy or poor,they begin to feel all and mighty they refuse to believe they very had problems with money ,the feeling that money gives you no alcohol can give you.  at least at one point in all our lives we would have issues with money.we may have had more or we may have has less which is the case in most of our lives ..expect for the ultra rich.

I have seen families falling apart in matters of money.sons disowning their parents,girls snatching gold jewellery from mothers graves ,not in dire need but for self gain,breaking bonds like these ..is this what money has got us into?at one point money was just a piece of paper and man saw ahead of it.

Money means power in todays world ,what are we running behind ?power over what ? who ? Power over over ambition,power over self ,power over people around  you so u can hide your faults ? Which kind of power is more valid ? Self deceiving power or power for upliftment of yourself and others around you? 

students in school are said to do well in exams so they can get a good seat and then .. Eventually a good job which again leads us to money. I'm not saying running behind money is a bad thing .. At every point in our life we are asked to run behind money.yes I believe money is very important in our life but not more than our family,relationships, values or culture.we don't have to throw money at people so they lick the path you walk on and secretly behind you curse you.if they truly respect you they will stand by you.

Many a times in families we see the most influential rich family member is always given more importance and respect. Everything he or she says is right no one judges his actions.families are where people share love, joy,togetherness,respect for elders,learning from models closest to us.what I see these days in families is calculated,money minded,back stabbing,materialist,selfish relationships.

Money has become so important that we forget to teach our children that it is not right to tease the underprivileged ,if there fathers didn't sit in an ac office or studied in a fancy university they will also be on the street.

Money .. I still ask myself this .. Is it because relationships are difficult and money becomes more important/easier or because money has given them a tough time and relationships become less important ? 

These days people think they can get anything with money.i want to ask them.

Will you get the joy of sharing a meal with your family so the yummiest dish is rationed so everyone gets it.will you get the happiness of see your son grow,not buying him expensive gifts so he forgets you were gone.will you get the joy of togetherness,a feeling of equality ,a feeling a self worth,a feeling of love shared with no log book of who gave and who didnt? will you allow miracles to just happen or pay God  to get them done for you ?will you enjoy love with no expectations. I am asking for an ideal world but it is idealistic , if we make atleast quarter  of it realistic. we will have lesser old age homes,more opportunities for all and lesser hatred to our selves (I believe that even if people do anything wrong their conscious will hit them maybe not right then but it will hit then sometime ) Do we have the time to stand and stare at miracles of life rather than run after money? We will have enough love for everyone and more if we just stood and valued life.money made miracles are like second hand things 

Miracles.not man made money .. The ones truly given to us by him they are the true miracles.

Dinner date

Dinner is a meal which in many peoples life is the last meal for the day or the beginning of many small meals through the night .In some lives dinners make 'a professional deal' for them ,in some they are 'a sharing of the days' events.Dinners bring the family together after a long and hard day.Dinners are elaborate in some families,in some it many be just a morsel of rice shared between the members of the family.For a college student it may be a MacDonald s takeaway,for the new bride it may be candle light dinner with her husband.
The time we have dinner may be different in different countries..in different places,different 

situations....but we all know that 'we don't attend to phone calls after we have started to eat(same in all families work can wait,boyfriends can wait,friends can wait)when the lady of the house gives you that look (which is "im going to burn you with this stare if you don't eat what i have cooked and thank me after")all calls can wait.
Dinners  in my life,
I have had dinners with my family,friends,neighbors,boyfriends,co travellers,in busy street filled with people.Sadly with never  just myself.
when i told friends i would dine alone,they thought i was sad...they said why don't you go on a date? whatever they said it didn't make sense to me..i may have had dinner with unknown people on a train..never seeing them again in my life.i have lived with myself for 22 years let me enjoy a meal with me.

so last thursday(the day i picked to have a date with me)i walked into the restaurant with my drippy umbrella ,a book,money and my phone.

i had decided to keep away from my phone(its after all a dinner "the lady of the house rule "applies here as well)i picked a table near a big french window as i could see the whole restaurant from my seat and the life outside that window, so if this got really boring I could look out.

I sat down and even before i removed my coat..the captain walks over to my table,asks me The question"will anyone be joining you?''I said ''no''.The look on the guys face was "a rule breaking "one.He quietly cleared the table space infront of the other chair on my table.

I looked out the window to find a group of college students walking up to the restaurant. Now i knew i will get  few more of those looks.I began to wonder is it so not common  to have a dinner in a restaurant alone.

I wanted a clear wanton soup and some fried rice,I placed my order...the wait was obviously long. I had a urge to check my cellphone to see if anyone cared to call me. Let me atleast be entertained. But then I thought can I not sit without my phone for jus two hours? Feels like a tough question .. I think I can.

There was a cricket match going on.India and Pakistan were the teams I feel that's why the restaurant was not running so full.I sat  in my all "seeing table "and read a book.Eventually the dinner arrived, I still had my book and I read all through dinner( i know its bad to read a book while eating but i was atleast not cursing my someone on the phone)i glimpsed around for some funny attics of the college students,they were abt 5 in number. They kept looking at me,probably they thought I broke up with my boyfriend or something on the same lines. I sat in that restaurant for about two hours.They had been chatting and looking towards me( didn't bother me never gonna see them again).

The food was really good,(I could order what I wanted atleast) the college students didn't matter to me anymore..I achieved to sit without a phone for 2 hours and that was an achievement in itself(many people cannot do that today).

This simple meal changed many things,I realised I could sit without getting bored and enjoy a meal,I didn't bother what people around me thought,I got what I wanted. Surprisingly, after the meal..I felt very pleased and calm.I walked all the way back home feeling extremely happy after this experience.

Life has so much to offer,I see it in small things around me a simple meal,a beautiful conversation with an old women with 5 kids to feed,the wonderful Bangalore weather,the growing process of my seedlings,the art of writing,just trying to write  and read Kannada again(which I learnt in school ,which I have forgotten now) playing with my neighbors son till we fall asleep.All  these are little things that from my life for me .Looking  out of the box is all it takes! We need to find a lot of boxes to look out of .. Readers start looking!

The onion pakoras

The need to eat onion pakoras ....

Few weeks ago I was chilling in coorg on a family holiday,lovely weekend break .as we all know the weather in coorg is just right for something oily and spicy to eat under a warm blanket ...watching the rain the whole im lazy effect.so I went to the directory in the hotel room to order some pakoras, as it is my parents were all over the tv about the fixing scandal,they wanted some pakoras too.so the directory in my hand my mouth already watering ,scanning the whole menu couldn't find onion pakoras i scanned it again to make sure this hotel was really not offering pakoras(something to write in the feed back form)Feeling the crave hunger almost making me dizzying I called the room service,they really didn't have onion pakoras. What pity! The room service after all was limited.

I told my dad why don't we all go for to town and eat in a restaurant nearby.so we got dressed and got the car out.we then realised that the car had not been parked in a steep hillock,no mood to make efforts to get the car out , lets go for a walk instead.the weather at that time was pleasant....little did we know that we were going to have one of the best onion pakoras of our lives.

We walked walked, and walked.it was about 2.46 Kms to the city.the craving was hitting trees tops!!

Then the climax ... It began to rain ....we had not carried umbrellas.the droplets were small but soon they became double the size we were all drenched...we had water even in our walking shoes.everyone around us were in a tearing hurry ,we just enjoyed what we got ..no way to get back might as well enjoy it.cold and fever can me taken care of but the hunger pangs need to be satisfied at the moment .there was lots of fog and dust with lots of vehicles honking at us as they were all in a hurry to get home without getting wet.but ,we were on a holiday ,no hurry at all.at the very corner of the parking area near the entrance to raja seat (a view point in madikeri)we saw a tea shop ,this tea shop was there since a long time about 5 years because all the many times we came to coorg we got to see it,but never stopped.this was our destined time to stop to visit this shop.

As we got closer to the tea shop we saw people eating. That's when all of us remember  our carving stomachs.so my dad and I asked him what there was to eat .. He said onion pakoras ,aloo bonda,egg puff,tea,cola,juice.we skipped all the other info ,the sound of onion pakoras was like jazz to our ears.so in our drenched ,tired and hungry looks he gave it to us quickly.

Onion pakoras  ....the smell of the batter mixed with the smell of rain,topping it the smell of hot tea brewing.. Now you guys get the picture:) 

They were one of the best onion pakoras I have had till now with all the ambience and favors to it.

After all five star cannot provide everything! The experience was out of the world.pls go to raja rain tea shop to get this experience (only in the rainy months)

my first journey by air

I have been travelling from the age of 11.my first every trip was to Sri lanka. It was a cloudy Thursday afternoon in june. We were about to leave for sri lanka in the night.i was very nervous for it was the first time for me on an airplane,i didn't know what to except?my friends had told me that travelling by air is a luxury.lots of fun stuff to eat and they also give goodies.rather than waiting to reach Colombo airport. i was interested in the on air service.my parents were busy packing and settling things in the house,i started to dream about yummy food and cool goodies.my mother kept nagging me to pack.. which i finished only two hours before leaving.

our flight was to take off at 11 pm.Due to bad weather we were stranded in Bangalore airport for 2 hours.the bang lore airport at that time was just like a very clean railway station.there were no shops,just one book store and few eateries.the eateries were all very expensive.my dad denied me any food from a airport as they looked stale too.after the long wait for on-air goodies ..i got inside and a wave of sleep engulfed me.sadly i slept through the whole journey.i just remember it was for 1.5 hours and i dozzed as soon as the flight took off and i only remember the pretty air hostess waking me to disembark and fill a form.